I stood in the kitchen making taco meat last night, but standing was even too much. I grabbed a stool to continue stirring while I listened to the kids chatter and Matt tell me about his day.
I was tired. Really tired. And as I served up the plates my insides were begging for someone to tell me to just go lay down. I picked at my food, but honestly I was too tired to be hungry.
Matt could tell I wasn’t myself, so he sent me upstairs, assuring me he’d “got it” and would get the kids fed and also to bed. It took him a few times to convince me to leave the table, but I listened. (Honestly I was afraid if I didn’t take him up on it he might retract the offer!) So I went upstairs, got on my pajamas, brushed my teeth and tucked myself into bed…with bright daylight still pouring through my windows.
Since March life has hit the fast forward button and hasn’t slowed in the least.
And I’ve learned something during these past few months of chaos.
That “something,” I confess, I have had to learn a number of times. There’s times I get it, and then I’ll forget, and I have to relearn it all over again.
It’s humbling to have to be retaught the same thing over and over, so this time I’m writing it down because maybe the act of writing it will encourage me to not keep forgetting! And maybe, just maybe, by God’s grace, it’ll encourage you at the same time.
It’s okay to get lost.
It’s okay to get lost…in your season:
This season for me is packing up boxes, closing down one life, opening up another, unpacking boxes, cleaning, traveling, cleaning some more…trying to come up with meals on the road and now in a home where everything is out of order, finding venues to do laundry because the drier in the new house doesn’t work…washing every dish by hand because the dishwasher just broke too…painting furniture, selling furniture, decorating walls, rooms, spaces…taking care of the daily needs (physically, emotionally and spiritually) of not only myself but all of my little people and my husband…while growing this belly…
And it’s enough.
It’s more than enough.
I have neglected other people’s expectations and a few invitations as well as phone calls, voicemails, friendships, extended family, and emails, not to mention this blog and all social media. There is much I have had to let go of as I learn all over again that it’s okay to get lost in my season.
And there have been a lot of moments I feel guilty about that. Somehow I wrongly believe I am supposed to continue to be all things to all people in every situation in every season.
But it’s just not true. Not for me and not for you either.
Maybe you’re there too…maybe you’re in a season when just getting done the basics of the everyday is the limit that you can handle. Maybe you’ve just moved too, or just had a baby, or maybe everyone in your home is sick, or you’ve now got all of your kids home for summer….maybe there’s some life circumstances that are difficult and you are tempted to feel guilty about cutting back or saying no.
And maybe you need to be told, as I do, to just get lost in your own life for a bit:
Get lost in your own home and what the immediate needs are.
Drown out the noise, the clutter and clatter of keeping up with anyone else’s home.
Get lost letting your biggest priorities be your only priorities.
Get lost cutting everything and everyone away in order to focus solely on the main things and the main people God has placed in your life.
Get lost in the work of minimizing what is on your plate in order to fully taste what is right there, right now, right in front of you.
Get lost in the little moments of your own every day, your mundane, your routine, and your norm.
Get lost in your season.
Our goal as mothers should never be solely about our own lives, our own concerns, our own spaces and our own troubles. Meaning, these seasons of more solitude and cutting back must never be the end all be all. We are meant to live life in such a way that allows us to open up our homes and our lives to serve others and be served by others, love others and be loved by others and to include others in our lives.
Getting back to THAT season is the aim. But it’s more than okay if that day isn’t today.
The good thing about seasons is they come and they go, just like the tide…and you’re going to be just fine if you’re in one that requires you to hole up for a while to focus solely on what’s right in front of you…with nothing more.
I trust the Lord will lead you, as I trust He will lead me, when it’s time to add more back in. Which means we can slow down, rest and enjoy this season of enough being enough, and live fully in it without guilt because we have the confidence it won’t last forever.
Let Him rebuild it back in time and for now, just get lost mama.
Get lost in your season.